Saturday, August 25, 2007

On letting go 1

As with every move, I weeded out belongings and had a big yard sale. Especially since I knew I was going to a real small space- I was ruthless. Still I had plenty of stuff left. I carted bags and boxes to the new digs. I would take over a load and put it away before the next load. I found an amazing number of places to stash stuff in the small space. High shelves put up by previous tenants. The kitchen cabinets held quite a bit. Under the bed. The folding shelf units I bought. I packed them all. I was feeling quite self satisfied with my efficiency.

That worked until I actually got in and started living in the space. Then I discovered it was all a balancing act. If I wanted something, I had to move ten other things to get at it. If I moved wrong- or sometimes if I moved at all, things came sliding off shelves, out of hiding or crashing down. My frustration level started into the red zone.

It was clear. More had to go.

Late Summer

Late Summer, from the middle of August on to Labor Day.



Plants are looking run out and browning.



The window box did well this year with it's eclectic mix of geraniums and herbs. I bought one or two each week at the farmer's market and crammed them in til it wouldn't hold any more. Trailing potato plants add a Goth touch. A little Buddha and some local crystal lend their support.



Like the rest of the house it is slightly wild; looking not neat and trimmed like the neighbors.

I don't know if it's the old saw about life going more quickly as we get older, but boy these summers sure do. It happens every year; by the time I get into the swing of things, dealing with the heat and bugs, it's almost over.

This year I think I learned to relax a bit more and go with the flow. I spent more time on day to day household management, instead of worrying about producing something. And I spent more time sitting outside in my lawn chair- just being. And not feeling like I was wasting time.

That's a big step in the right direction.

What I bought at the book sale

In the line of the book shelf posting, I'll tell you what I bought at the Historical Society book sale.

Historical and Architectural Resources of Coventry R.I. by the presivation commission of R.I.

Until I Have No Country Micheal Tougias a novel of King Philip's war

A New England Town- The first hundred years Kenneth A. Lockridge

Beloved Toni Morrison

Journey to Beloved Oprah Winfrey

On Writing the Short Story Hallie Burnett

The Camino Shirley Mac Laine

Witchcraft at Salem Chadwick Hansen

Slavery Stanley Elkins

This gives you an idea of what minnie reads--fodder for my New England stories!

I spent $25.00.

A Quote

"Someone seeking learning knows more and more, but someone seeking Tao knows less and less- until things just are what they are." Lao Tzu

Almost Camping 3

I don't have tent camping experience. Here on the southeastern New England coast, our experience is largely with cottages or boats. I think it's pretty similar with maybe a few more creature comforts, like maybe a toilet. It's about living close to the natural world.

A lot of people do it on their two week vacations. Others add in the precious summer weekends. If the truth be told, that's about all the nature some people can take. I can understand that after living off the electric grid for a couple of years now.

One day in our heat spell, I was so exhausted from the heat I had to take refuge at my daughter's apartment. I spent the afternoon reading and napping in her air conditioned bed room. And yes I did think about what I would have done if I didn't have that resource available.

This is not a Pollyanna blog. My desire is to be honest. I strongly dislike these self help gurus who sugar coat everything. Who tell you everything is glorious if you do x, y and z and send money.

Any camper will tell you nature is a harsh mistress. Being on the water can kill you if you don't respect it. Being in the woods can kill you. Too much heat or cold will kill you. You must respect your Mother Nature.

Living Tao is living in the face of reality.

Almost Camping 2

My life in the little house, in the summer, reminds me of camping out. Right now I am sitting here; it's early morning. I have the door open and it is raining out the high humidity. The cats have had their breakfast and just ran under Mike's truck for cover from a downpour.

I think about the fact that it is only a thin skin of four walls and a roof and a slab floor that separate me from the outdoors. I have been spending alot of time sitting outside in my nice birthday gift lawn chair when the house is too hot. At night I have sat out and tipped my head back and looked at the stars.

Winnie hops up into my lap and tips her head back too.

Almost Camping 1

Part of what the old Taoists tell us is you can't explain the Tao. You just enter into it and live in accordance with it.

I realize that won't be terribly helpful to someone who comes across my blog and hopefully finds it enjoyable to read.

Perhaps it will clarify things a little bit for me to tell you that the way I try to live Tao is to strive to live in accord with nature and to live in the moment. Right? Wrong? Who knows. That's what my experience is.

In time it will reveal it self.

Thursday, August 16, 2007

Naming Cats

Once I was in and settled, the cats and I began to get into a routine. Walking through the neighborhood in the past I had noticed a family group of black and tan and grey and tan cats. Every Spring they had babies that looked just like them. They were usually around Mrs. D's house because she fed them. I learned the grey and tans were called diluted Calico. They were small, fine boned cats with sweet faces. They were very timid. The black and tans were a little larger, but still long and sleek.

I find that when you need to name a cat, if you just be still and meditate on it a bit a name will present itself. I began to call the grey one Sophia. Then I began to call the black and tan Clara. Clara's face was equally divided right down the middle; half black and half tan.

I continued to watch the kittens play. I tried to lure them with treats. As the weeks went by, the ones who came regularly dwindled.

Part of the charm of where my little house is , is that there is a large semi-wooded area out back. When they laid out this colonial town, some of the streets were far enough apart to afford very long back yards and treed areas. This is prime feral cat territory. Some of the ferals live their lives back there and don't venture out. Some kittens get taken in by people on any of the surrounding streets. Some get killed off by preditors or weather or cars. Such is life in the feral community.

I love cats but I know enough is enough. So I contacted the local feral cat group . I went a meeting of the locals crazy cat folk. They agreed to come help work on my colony and I was dubbed a Colony Mom. The premise is trap , neuter, release. The idea being if they stop producing kittens every year they colony will eventually shrink. Humane traps are used.

I learned that if you get kittens early enough, you can tame them and get them homes. This is usually before ten to twelve weeks. After that not so much. My kitten group had boiled down to a grey, a black and two handsome orange ones; one lighter than the other. Jessica wanted the lighter orange with the nice bulls eye marking. He became Clamcake because we would give him pieces of left over clam cakes from Fish and chip night. The other I called Ginger- very basic. The All black became Onyx and the grey didn't hang long enough to really get a name.

I found out a funny thing. In the neighborhood Clara had had several other names. One family called her Mary because she had had so many babies. ??? Catholic.

I began to have a relationship with Clara. Sophia came to eat less and less and started looking frail. Clara was stronger and more sturdy. She wouldn't come to me but came routinely to eat and she'd stay around the dooryard with the kittens. Late in the summer it became evident she was pregnant...again.

Tuesday, August 14, 2007

Saturday morning at the post office

I never seem to remember from week to week
the line at the post office on Saturday morning
and find myself in it
in order to get my rent paid on time.

Behind me comes a voice
carping to no one in particular
and everyone in general
about the line.

So now I not only have to stand in line
for half an hour
trying to use the time
to practice patience

I have to have my peace disturbed
by this woman's opinions
of the government.

I think to myself
I often sound like her
and vow to stop.

Sunday, August 12, 2007

Hurricane Katrina 2 years and counting

There were certainly several major revelations that came before our eyes relentlessly during the coverage of the storm. Who would have thought we would see bloated bodies laying out in the sun several days after the actual event. That brought us up short.

Aways down the list of horrors was the fact these people lost everything, including their personal belongings. Family photos and genealogical items topped the list of things people felt profound loss over.

Think for a minute about losing everything. Everything. Of course not only victims of natural disasters experience this. House fires are also responsible for having everything one minute and nothing the next. How would you feel? To have nothing. No thing to your name.

Not a bed to sleep on, or a change of clothes, or a place to take a shower, or food.

Further down the line comes your "stuff". Your jewelry, your electronic toys, your books and papers, photos, mementos of your children or your parents.

You would feel totally cast adrift in the world. Tethered to nothing, unattached. You would have to be awfully strong to not feel that your identity was not on shaky ground.

We are so enamoured of our stuff. It is so much of our identity. Often times we don't even think about our relationship to it. Especially if we don't have to move several times in our life. Then we really build up the stuff mountains. Stuff sits in our attics and basements and on our shelves. Sometimes we don't touch it for years.

Maybe it is time to choose what is really important in life and let some of the rest go. Give some away to someone who needs a new start, for whatever reason. As my friend says, if we just take what we need we'll all have enough.

Saturday, August 11, 2007

A True Gift

All through the hot spell the radio told us there would be showers. Thunderstorms, possibly severe. Weather alert! A few drops was all we got. Storms went to our southeast. They went to our North. We got humid. I would lie in bed at night waiting for the mighty boom and flash. Nada. Lawns were browning and flower boxes drooping sadly.

Yesterday it rained all day. People came up to the deli counter with big water drops on them. And no one complained. A gift in itself. "We need the rain" was the total agreement.

By evening it was downright cold- well for Summer. I foraged in the closet for a long sleeve jersey. Reidy's was packed with Friday Night Fish "n" chippers. Some wore sweaters.

At bedtime the windows stayed open but I closed the kitchen door for the first time in weeks. Then I pulled out my blankie, freshly washed for Fall, and snuggled down to sleep.

The heat will be back. We know we aren't ready for Fall yet; even tho the back to school stuff has been out in the stores for two weeks already. The cool rainy day was what we needed. It made us let out a big collective sigh.

Pay as you go

Remember the concept of paying for something before you could have it? An example is when you used to put a coin in a slot and get electricity. I thought about this as my battery lamp was losing juice. I personally don't remember the coin slot thing, but I've read about it.

It brings to mind an image of immigrants, living in city rooming houses and tenements; working in mills. Having a thin coin to their names. How badly did they want, or need, that few minutes of electricity to put that coin into the slot?

That would be one big example of mindfulness. That is how I am trying to live my life now.

When my batteries run too low to see I am mindful of it. I can't see to read or write. In this world of use first, pay later, we have learned to squander our resources. Is it progress to go in debt; personally or nationally? To kill things off we can't replace? Our spirits get killed off as well as our trees.

Book Sale Time

Several organizations around New England host summer book sales. It's a good time to run one because of summer beach reading and the fact that a lot of "summer people" are here with money to spend. My local Historical Society is one such organization. I received the call for books in my mailbox the other day. In my quest for more white space, I had recently packed away some books.

In thinking about my latest steps in letting go of the past, I decided maybe I could donate some books. So when the 90+ heat broke somewhat and I could function again, I opened the storage container and began the donation pile.

My personal library is made up of a few genres that basically reflect steps along my path. When I was doing the Native American step I amassed an entire collection on the subject. When I decided to move from New Bedford to Rhode Island, I donated it in entirety to the Wampanoag Band at Freetown.

At other times when I had a yard sale I would cull and sell some books. There would always be a few on a topic I couldn't part with that lapped over. So now as I look at these '"long-timers" I ask myself how long it's been since I even looked at them. I considered my mental attachment to the time of my life they represent. Can I let that part go yet?

I also think of the fact that someone else might find them useful to where they are at now on their journey. Like the book on historical Canadian weaving I have hoarded for decades because of my Father's French Canadian heritage and my love of fiber art. Someone who is an actual weaver, finding it at the sale, will be thrilled to have it. A feeling I have experienced many times, coming across some treasure for a couple of bucks. Like finding gold!

And so my pile grows and I envision more shelf space for more reading material that will come and hopefully go more easily.

Support the BOOK SALE of your choice!

Wednesday, August 8, 2007

Freak

Today the cat came out of the bag at work about me. That I don't have electricity. The age range of workers in my department is roughly 20 to 60 something. We were talking about not having a computer at home. The kids couldn't imagine life without a computer at their disposal 24/7.
"How about living without electricity?" There I said it. Stunned silence. When they gathered their wits, they were curious why someone would do that and then how one does it.
"What when it is really hot?"
"I sweat." A totally foreign concept.
Later in the day one of the older crew members asked in a conspiratorial tone, "Why do you really not have electricity?"
In all honesty that is a good question. The easy answer is I was out of work for almost a year and I ran out of money. That, at least, is understandable. But I'm working again now and can make a plan to get it back on. But I haven't. So what is it that I am doing?
I do think that what I am doing has been years in the making. So many years in fact that it feels like it comes from deep within. Every time now I feel too much stuff building up around me, I feel compelled to move it on. I do still buy things, mostly books, but nowhere near what I once did. Sometimes I regret it after and those are the times I just felt the need to buy something.
A big part of what I'm doing is political. I do believe until we take personal responsibility to be mindful about our consumption, we can't just stand and point fingers and say "oh we use too much oil." Well yes we do; so what are you going to do about it? What am I going to do about it?
I jokingly - but not really said "I hate to be beholding to the man." I really do. I always have. When I look at my utility bills, especially the electric bill, I don't so much have a problem with the usage part. It's been watching the surcharges and taxes creep past the usage figure I have a problem with.
So it's an ongoing thing to figure out- what it is I'm doing. I do know living closer to nature is easier if you don't have electricity. If you don't want to take the full leap try just unplugging your T.V. That's an eye opener in itself.

Tuesday, August 7, 2007

CATS

Before I get too far along here, I need to introduce the subject of cats. The cats have been a big part of life here in the little house. After I had finally made the decision to try life in small space, I had to wait about six weeks for some fixing up and repairs to be made; gas leak fixed, new stove, paint. I had the key tho and would go by often and continue to get the feel of the place. I had lived in the area ever since moving to town and was aware my new address was in a long standing feral cat neighborhood. Every Spring, walking to work, I would see kittens about. I was excited.
It was Spring again and sure enough, there was a litter of kittens. If I looked out my back window and over the fence into the next yard, I could watch a litter of small kittens playing around a dry docked sailboat. They would climb up the support scaffolding and swing on the hanging lines. After doing this a hundred times, they would wear out and fall asleep in a pile in the shade of the hull. The neighbor is also a woodworker and has a small barn wood shop in his yard. The back end of the structure is raised just enough to make a great cat family home.
The kittens were either grey, black, orange or tortie. I tried over and over to count them on different days, but I couldn't tell if I was re-counting the black and smoke grey or if there was more than one of each. I spent hours just watching them and laughing over their antics.
As for the parents, there were two Queens in the neighborhood. I reasoned they came off the colony across the street from my house that had been maintained for years by an elderly woman. One Queen was a black and tan tortie and the other was a smaller diluted grey tortie. Torties are very common to this area. I would see both of them with the kittens so I couldn't tell if it was one or two litters.
By the time I moved in the kittens were big enough do more exploring. I was feeding the Queens out in my back yard where it was quiet and eventually they brought the kittens over.
This was the beginning of a two year relationship with this group that would be a huge learning experience for me. So as I go along, you will hear much more about Clara, clamcake, Olive, Mr Bill, Shamus, Foxy and more. Laughter and tears

Saturday, August 4, 2007

Peanut Butter Sandwich

I heard an interesting piece on the news at work. Someone figured out that people who receive food stamps get $21.00 a week for food which breaks down to $1.00 a meal for three meals a day. Some Congress people decided to take a challenge and try living on this budget for a short while to see how they would fare. The reason this came to light was one congressman was flying to somewhere and his jars of peanut butter and jelly didn't pass the security checkpoint and got thrown out. That was a good part of what he had left to eat for the week.

I found it heartening that some people are willing to at least open their minds and hopefully their hearts to such an experiment, rather than just lambasting the government tax dollar going to food stamps at all.

Then I thought about what I spend on food and wondering if I'm within the dollar a meal budget. I eat alot of peanut butter- and cheerios and rice and beans. I get some chicken or egg salad at the deli where I work and make sandwiches on bread or crackers I bring from home; rather than buying a deli sandwich for six bucks. Orange juice and bananas are an expense but I like to have it for vitamins.

I think I will work up a list of my usual groceries and see how I do.

MY FOOD LIST

Oat products for heart health

Cheerios store brand $2.50 2 boxes $5.00

Slow cooking oats large store brand 4.50

Oat Bread 1.99 4/ month 8.00

Oat crackers 4.00 4.00



Grains other

Wheat crackers 4.00 4.00

Bagels 6/ day old 1.80 2/month 3.60

Bag white rice 1.99 1.99

Bag Brown rice 3.00 3.00

Pasta 3/ 1.00 1.00

Annie's Mac and cheese 2 5.00

Natural peanut butter 2/ month $6.00

Jar peanut butter $3.00

Instant coffee 2/mo. $6.50

Tea $4.00

Beans and lentils $5.00

Total $60.10

So that short list of staples about takes it. I'll average $1.50 each workday for something for my sandwich = $7.50. $3.00 a day for whatever fruit, vegetable or dairy- yogurt or cheese- I choose x 7 = $21.00. That leaves about $6.00 for whatever else I might like for a treat. A jar of spaghetti sauce ? a bag of cookies ? whooo hooo!

Now imagine doing it month in and month out. Pretty narrow. What about a holiday meal with your family? That would blow your budget for the month. Something to think about.


living tao

For a while now I have been trying to put a name to what it is I am doing here. Partly as a way to explain it to others, but more importantly to explain it to myself. Believe me I have examined my sanity many times. The way I live is not normal by today's societal standards; especially in the packed-in East Coast. For all we live in the midst of great natural beauty, people here do their best to overpower it with money.
I wanted to call it something identifiable. Something people could relate to. I cast around. "Green" and "eco" are hot terms right now and would certainly be relevant for my summer project of trying to go green with my household products , but I wasn't looking for trendy. This is more than trendy. Where I am today is the present stop on a long long road. Fifty years of spiritual search has brought me to know my religion is nature. My god is nature.

The little house

Two years ago I moved into a little cottage the size of a tourist cabin. Fifteen feet by fifteen feet. I heard of it through the grapevine and in fact someone I knew had been living in it for about ten years. You can find little spots like this in these antique New England towns. Little houses behind big houses, converted barns and sheds with Portuguese second kitchens in them; spaces Grandfathered in to the town fabric.
While I was considering renting it I spent time just being in the space. Could I do it? Was it TOO small to exist in? I took measurements and tried to figure what I could have for furniture. I was also considering another apartment that was small, but normal small, but it was also twice the rent. I decided to give the little house a try.
It has been a journey on many levels and certainly an integral part of my spiritual practice. In our McMansion world there are some of us who choose to live other ways. Some of us in small dwellings. I look around on the Internet for Sangha and have decided to throw into the lot. Perhaps my journey can encourage someone else. Lots of topics may pop up here as they do in everyday life.